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asolefitnik
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Name: David
Country: United States
State: California
Gender: Male
Expertise: being good-looking.
Occupation: Student Extraordinare.
Industry: Chemistry.
Message: message me
Member Since:
3/8/2003
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| call me an elitist asshole, but i know how to fix the financial crisis. stop offering higher education to everybody. try to follow me on this. the people who took out loans and didn't repay them are the cause of the current financial market problem. but some other people who are just as culpable for the crisis are the "educated" people at the banks who gave out these loans. now, how did some of these people go to college and become "educated"? i believe there are three main kinds of people who pay for college. some of them have loving parents who sent them to college with their hard earned money. some of them took out loans to finance their higher education. these people most likely understand the value of money because there is a debt to repay (unless their parents are really filthy rich) either to the banks (bank loan), government (government loan), or their parents (mom and pop loan). the irresponsible people in these two groups are the people who either a) don't pay back their loans, or b) don't put their education to good use (i.e. pursuing useless degrees). people who do selection a probably do some because they also did option b and now can't afford to pay back their student loans. now although i believe science (bio included) and engineering majors to be the pinnacle of higher education, i am not advocating bashing of other majors like humanities or sociology or the arts. those things are important to society. but do we really need a billion psb majors or a billion econ majors? i say this because the current mindset among people i know is that these are the default majors for people who are in college and don't know what they're going to do. you know what? maybe they should default to science majors. its not hard- i mean im doing it, aren't i? anyways this brings me back to the third and final group of people who pay for college. the people who arent saddled with any kind of debt either to their parents or to banks or to the government. people who get by on free financial aid. now im not saying free money from the government is bad. some people genuinely deserve it- like the people who are the children of crack addicts and actually understand quantum mechanics, or the people who come from south central LA. Some people on the other hand mooch off the government. you and i probably all have friends like that. the day they get their financial aid check is the day they get a new wardrobe. theyre not bad people- but what a waste of money! some people should just not go to college- because honestly we need people like that. Janitors, brickmasons and construction workers all fulfill an important role in society. what i propose is that we get rid of most financial aid to people who don't really need to go to college and lower the cost of higher education accross the board. maybe this way, our college degrees will actually mean we pursued actual learning, instead of "discovering ourselves" or some other bullshit. and maybe, just maybe, the people who do go to college will learn some responsibility instead of bullshitting their way through classes.
but if we can't do that, i will settle for the people who get free financial aid to kindly SHUT THE FUCK UP about how they get free money.
/end rant
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| First of all, you may be asking yourself, "Self, why do you want to be a mad scientist?" and then replying, "Self, that is a very good question and I'm glad you asked it." Well if you do engage yourself in such inner dialogue aloud, then you are definitely mad scientist material. Mad scientists must always be ready to talk to themselves in order to keep up the appearance that they are crazy. A crazy mad scientist is a happy mad scientist. There are many benefits to being perceived as a mad scientist. For instance, only mad scientists are able to solve the best mysteries, like Dr. Walter Bishopfrom J.J. Abrams' television show Fringe, where only the mad scientist has the brains to unravel the mysteries of the Pattern. Another example is Doc Brown, from the motion picture Back to the Future, Back to the Future II, and Back to the Future III. Only a mad scientist could devise a way to turn an innocent DeLorean into a plutonium powered flying time-machine. An additional benefit of being a mad scientist is being unattractive to the other sex. Some people consider that to be a drawback to being a mad scientist, however true mad scientists consider attraction to the other sex a nuisance and a distraction to their work. Now, it is not necessary to be a genius or extremely smart person to be a mad scientist. In fact, while oftentimes mad scientists are portrayed as men in the media, even women can be mad scientists like Dr. Irina Spalko from Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. The only real qualification to be a mad scientist is to have a severe detachment from reality, usually from an unhealthy obsession with science.
If you have read the first paragraph, then you know the primary qualification for being a mad scientist is to be so completely devoted, or obsessed to your field of study. Some of us cannot devote the time or make the social sacrifices to be totally divorced from reality, so we just pretend we are. An easy way of doing this is simply to forget where you place things and continually ask people where you left your things. A bonus benefit to this is the ability to make people sympathetic to your forgetfulness (Because who doesn't forget things time to time) allowing you to "borrow" things from them and conveniently "forget" where you placed them. An even more impressive way to seem out of touch with reality is to ignore people when they talk to you by pretending to be completely lost in thought. Then when you "notice" them talking to you, say something completely unrelated to whatever they ask you about. For example, if a high-ranking FBI agent comes to you and says, "We just witnessed something unexplainable. Can you tell me what this is?" simply answer, "The waffles for breakfast were really delicious. Who made them?". The compliment of delicious waffles will throw them off balance without making them mad at you because everyone likes to be complimented. The question of "Who made them?" will throw them off even more because it steers the conversation away from the identification of whatever item they're asking about, to the question of who was the cook who made the waffles. Extra mad scientist points if you didn't eat waffles that morning.
Like in the motion film Hitch, 70% of communication is due to body language. In the case of emulating mad scientists, the more awkward the body language, the better. When conversing with someone face-to-face, always look down, with frequent glances up at the person's face when listening or talking about things that require social interaction such as discussing coworkers, relationships, etc. This will tell your conversee that you are intimidated by social interaction, thus leading them to believe that you are socially incompetent. If you act impatient when conversing on these subjects, this will lead the person you are talking with to believe that you eschew social interaction because it distracts you from being divorced from reality. When talking about sciencey things, look up and stare into the distance with unfocused eyes past your conversational partner. This will convince them that you are smarter than them because you don't need to look at their face for acknowledgment of your intellect. Be aware, though, that a common mistake people emulating mad scientists make is to continuously bring up whatever avenue of mad scientific research they are illegally conducting in regular conversation. True mad scientists don't show off their mad scientism for fear that ordinary people will accuse them of being witches and warlocks (Or the modern equivalent) and subsequently try to burn them at the stake.
Attire in all career paths is important, and it is no different in the challenging career path of mad scientist. The number one required piece of clothing is a lab coat, without which people would mistake you for being a common mad homeless man. You don't have to wear it all the time, but never go anywhere without your lab coat. This is important! Lab coats are what sets scientists apart from regular people. Always dress warmly, because the increased amount of blood flow to the
mad scientist's brain always causes the body to feel about five degrees
centigrade colder than the environment. True mad scientists are always disheveled because they care more about their experiments than their personal appearance. Possibly the best way to look disheveled without compromising on your personal hygiene (hygiene is important to scientists, because bad hygiene can lead to contamination of experiments) is to sleep in your clothes and not shave. The more shoddy the facial hair, the better, because mad scientists are not supposed to be impressive male specimens. The female analog to shoddy facial hair on men is unkept head hair, commonly known as bed head. Female mad scientists with the ability to grow facial hair are equally impressive. Simply not combing your hair will accomplish this effect. The rumpled, slept-in clothing will convince others that you don't have time for changing clothes because you are busy with researching a cure for incurable disease or how to preserve twinkies indefinately. If you are required to wear formal clothing, the acceptable mad scientist attire is any kind of suit or tuxedo with a bow-tie. The more out of date or out of fashion, the better.
People judge other people by their living spaces as evidenced by the popularity of the television show MTV Cribs, where celebrities invite a camera crew into their house to show the regular people how different or similar to regular people they are. A mad scientist's living spaces should be kept cluttered with miscellaneous scientific papers and large text books. The text books should all be at least grad school level, indecipherable to the common man. A piano is also something every mad scientist should have, because every mad scientist is attracted to the mathematical precision of piano playing, that soothes their restless minds. A good cluttered desk is essential to a mad scientist, where they can brood over difficult mathematical problems or errors in the scientific method. Use of laboratory equipment as ordinary household items such as beakers and microscopes is another way to remind people who visit your abode of how different you are from them. When people see a room filled with a desk and a piano, cluttered with science journals and papers, they will immediately assume you have read every piece of clutter, thus making you smarter than them in their eyes.
So to sum it all up, the best way to convince other people that you are a mad scientist is to be extremely removed from the world around you, and wear a lab coat. I don't think I can stress enough the importance of a lab coat. The lab coat will separate you from ordinary, mundane people, and the madness will separate you from ordinary lab coat wearing scientists.
The waffles for breakfast were delicious. Who made them?
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| Where would Ramen be without Chemistry?
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